Testimony


prodigal daughter Someone recently asked me what my greatest fear is. Immediately I knew…

“That my life will not matter. That I will waste it.”

This is my greatest fear because I am routinely tripped up by habits and patterns of defeat.  I have allowed old lies to quench the fresh power of the Gospel in my heart and mind. Why can’t I just believe God and obey?
I’ve been an easy mark for the enemy. I don’t put up much of a fight. He knows my wounds and knows there are STILL parts of my heart that are not whole.

A little over a year ago I was in the Middle East serving alongside godly men and women who have given their lives in service to the Gospel. During that trip, an attack on some of our team members was evident and I was not prepared (spiritually) for my personal assault. A bitter root had grown in my heart and I foolishly did not rip it out the minute it took hold. One morning, around 3 a.m. I awoke to a familiar sound. It was different this time – I truly felt the enemy “singing” over me and it penetrated my soul. He was taunting me.  I never really talked about it or prayed about it -but I should have.

God knew where I was about to go- He knew my failures before I knew them. Yet in His GRACE He planned an escape route, deep healing, new purpose, godly guidance, financial provision and specific scripture – all in a matter of days – all waiting for me on the other side. Fully restored, fully cleansed and fully forgiven. I only had to reach out and take it! Jesus had already paid my debt and I am in awe.

I am still in the midst of this battle but I am praying the armor – fighting again and praying for WHOLENESS. Pray for me that God will not let me waste this experience. I am determined to stop living in defeat. But I (obviously) cannot do it in my own power. I have tried and I have failed and failed and failed…You’d think I would get the hint by now!

But I am HOPEFUL! Trust me…I have cause to be full of hope because of what I am learning about myself and what God’s word promises. I want FREEDOM!!!!

“Don’t be afraid that your life will end,
be afraid that it will never begin.”

Grace Hansen

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300px-Augustine_of_Hippo …that we may, out of our dead sins, make stepping stones to rise to the heights of perfection. What did he mean by that?

He meant that the memory of our falls may breed in us such a humility, such a distrust of self, such a constant clinging to Christ as we could never have had without the experience of our own weakness.”

~James Stalker

“Strong storms are over the western half of Jefferson County. They show signs of the potential for damaging winds. They also have deadly lightning and torrential rains. Much of the Birmingham Metro up into extreme southern Blount County will be affected. Be in safe shelter as these strong storms approach.” ABC 33/40 Weather Blog

Alabama has been under a drought for at least a year. Recently the Lord brought flooding rains to the South. Bad for some but good for most. Today, as I hear the distant thunder rumble in the distance I am giddy! Did I mention I love thunder, lightning and pretty much all severe weather? (I mean no disrespect to anyone who family has suffered loss by a tornado or hurricane.)

The power of storms wakes me up to the power of God. They stir my soul and snap me out of my complacency. Suddenly, I remember I am an alien here and this is not my home. I think of the the last storm that will come and a coming King. No matter what happens, I am in safe shelter as this strong storm approaches!

Riding His white horse, His eyes are fire, a sharp sword in His mouth and on his robe and on his thigh He has a name written, KING OF KINGS AND THE LORD OF LORDS! The best ending to the best story ever told! At least for believers. Oh God, that unbelievers would hear you and see your storms as merciful warnings!!

I digress.

So a drought in my life it seems is ending as well. I am writing music again and have two songlings that are just peaking their heads through the soil of God’s marvelous love. Ahhhh! That was completely cheesy! I am starting to sound like Beth Moore!!

Anyway, I see some fruit and it gives me joy that the long winter is over. Praise Him!

I saw this short but fascinating article about Alexander Cruden on Desiring God’s website. An Interesting story of the man who wrote the first complete concordance of the King James Bible (by himself in his spare time!)

The concordance was first published in 1737 and there are currently 18 different versions available today.

Apparently, the guy was quite a nut and thank God for him! 777,746 words later this good, insane concordance maker created a tool invaluable to all Bible students (including me) wanting to search the depths of God’s rich word.

“Beware of belittling God’s crooked sticks. With them he may write the message that that makes a thousand people glad.”

-John Piper

About 5 years ago I heard the story of Blaise Pascal’s encounter with God and of the note he wrote about it and sewed into his coat pocket. I was so blessed to find it tonight again and marvel 🙂

Pascal’s Vision

When he was 31 years old, less than eight years before his death, Pascal had an overwhelming experience of the presence of God. He apparently made hasty notes, during the vision or immediately afterwards, so that he might always have at hand a reminder of what had happened to him. He transcribed these onto a piece of parchment and sewed it into the lining of his coat, where his servant found it after his death. There is no evidence of his having mentioned the experience to anyone while he lived. The parchment reads as follows (Bible references added; translation by Emile Caillet and John C. Blankenagel, Great Shorter Works of Pascal, Philadelphia, Westminster Press, 1948):

Memorial

In the year of grace, 1654,
On Monday, 23rd of November, Feast of St Clement, Pope and Martyr,

And others in the Martyrology,

Vigil of St Chrysogonus, Martyr, and others,
From about half past ten in the evening until about half past twelve,

Fire!

God of Abraham, God of Isaac, God of Jacob, (Ex 3:6; Mt 22:32)
Not of the philosophers and scholars.
Certitude. Certitude. Feeling. Joy. Peace.
God of Jesus Christ.
“Thy God and my God.” (Jn 20:17)
Forgetfulness of the world and of everything, except God.
He is to be found only in the ways taught in the Gospel.
Greatness of the Human Soul.
“Righteous Father, the world hath not known Thee,

But I have known Thee.” (Jn 17:25)
Joy, joy, joy, tears of joy.
I have separated myself from Him.
“They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters.” (Jn 2:13)
“My God, wilt Thou leave me?” (Mt 27:46)
Let me not be separated from Him eternally.
“This is eternal life,

That they might know Thee, the only true God,

And Jesus Christ, whom Thou hast sent.” (Jn 17:3)

Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ

I have separated myself from Him:
I have fled from Him,
denied Him,
crucified Him.
Let me never be separated from Him.
We keep hold of Him only by the ways taught in the Gospel.

Renunciation, total and sweet.
Total submission to Jesus Christ and to my director.
Eternally in joy for a day’s training on earth.
“I will not forget thy words.” (Ps 119:16) Amen.